i hate when i need to write, but am so drained of emotion that i really have nothing left to share.
right now though, i need to share.
today is sunday. i have invited over sixteen people to my house for my birthday party, and i expect ten to show up.
or i did.
at this moment, i might cancel it.
something really fucked up about me is im a quitter. a perfect quitter. no matter if something is good or bad for me, bet your bottom dollar ill quit it before i finish it.
my gf might be something like that.
honestly, we have a perfect relationship.
i shouldnt bitch.
she just realized shes sexy. i think people used to hit on her because she seemed like an easy fuck. now people hit on her because shes confident and sexy and she knows it.
problem is, she likes the attention she gets, a lot.
and its understandable because shes never had it.
so im torn right now.
i need to feel loved.
i need to feel like im number one.
i need to get what i give.
and i need to let her be her.
its a tough call.
should i let her go and let her live her life on another path
or should i let her join me on mine.
maybe, what ill do, is off myself.
whats fucked is im not kidding.
maybe ill off myself by the end of the year.
2 years ago i made a vow to drink myself to death, this time i think im going to try hard drugs on a frequent basis.
ill have fun, and slowly ill die.
whats fucked is im sincere.
ill love me even when im dead.